Antithesis

Ideas clash.  Ideas about how to raise children clash passionately.  Just watch one mom try to explain to another why she needs to get an epidural, birth naturally, stay at home, go back to work, private school, public school, etc.  The only topic I know more volatile than raising children is religion, and if you combine the two…look out.  Life is all about the clash of ideas.  It will surround our daughters in all they do.  Our daughters need to know:

1. How to hear an idea without agreeing with it.
2. How to respect another person, and value them, without agreeing with them.
3. How to speak their own ideas clearly with love and respect, but firm conviction.
4. How to evaluate another idea based on sound logic and a biblical worldview.

In short, we need to socialize our children.  Whether your daughters attend public, private, or you home-school; we need to influence our daughters more than anyone else.  This can be difficult at a time when they are testing the waters of independence. 

One way to socialize our daughters is to think about what other adults in our daughters’ lives we can point them to?  Who can we give them permission to look to as role models?  One of the nice benefits here is that they will hear the same advice that they mistook for misguided nagging when it came from us.  My daughters want to see the world outside of our home and that is a good thing.  I want them to still have sound guidance in situations when I am not there.  The answer is to get them involved in some activities where there are other adults you know and trust.  Our girls are part of a wonderful FLL team where I know the other moms and dads are upholding the same standards and morals that we hold to at home.  I know the other parents involved and I trust their influence over my children.  I welcome it, in fact.

Another way to influence our children and show them how ideas clash (antithesis) is through reading books with them.  I just recently heard a great speaker, Leigh Bortins, say, “Books introduce antithesis safely because kids will see it first hand soon enough.”  If I read the Hunger Games books with my daughters and talk about it with them, I can walk them through the four points given up above.  I can talk them through difficult ideas presented in the story as a way to give them positive guidelines for real life situations.  The conversations can be fun Saturday morning breakfasts out or silly giggly girly manicures at home.  The same can be done with movies if you make frequent use of the pause button.  The key is to talk to our daughters, ask them questions, and give them our thoughts on the matter. 

Listen, my [daughter], to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.  They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.      Proverbs 1:8-9

My [daughter], if you accept my words and store up my commands within you…    Proverbs 2:1

My [daughter], do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity.     Proverbs 3:1-2

Listen, my [daughters], to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. For I too was a [daughter] to my father, still tender, and cherished by my mother.                  Proverbs 4:1-3

My [daughter], pay attention to my wisdom, turn your ear to my words of insight, that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge.                      Proverbs 5:1-2

And so on…J

Compare and Contrast

I am in awe of some of the women’s blogs I read.  They sound so together; baking bread, sewing their own clothes, individual time with each of their children, and the list goes on.  I’m not there yet.  In fact, I will probably never be one of those women.  My kids are on one screen or another on a daily basis.  They might watch TV or play on the Wii or the computer.  We eat fast food probably once a week, (gasp!) sometimes more.  I like watching some of the old cartoons like Voltron and Thundercats with my kids.  I’m very human.

I am also learning not to compare myself to those women who do seem to have it all together.  I try not to wish for a different house, metabolism, or the ability to play dolls.  The Bible has a name for that: covet.  When I compare myself to others it will only lead to jealousy or a false sense of pride.  Neither of those will do me any good.  I must learn to be content with where God has me.  I must learn to walk that fine line of being content with who I am while still striving to become more like Christ.  Have you noticed how much of our Christian walk is learning to embrace peace/joy while being mindful of our own depraved nature?

How do I teach these things to my daughters when I still struggle with them so often?  I can’t claim to be the expert on becoming Christ-like.  I can do two things though.  First, I can let my daughters see me struggle and model for them by turning to God when the going gets tough.  Second, I can continue to point them to the scriptures when life gets tough for them.  This second one requires me to already be doing the first; I can’t point my daughters to scriptures that will help them if I am not in the Bible myself enough to know some scripture that might be helpful.  I know where wisdom comes from: Fear of the Lord.  I need to look to God alone for my contentment.  I need to compare myself to Christ (as depressing as that may be), not to other women in the world. 

When I am happiest and the more content, I am in balance.  I can grasp at that peace that passes all understanding while knowing how far from perfect I am.

…for wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her.  Proverbs 8:11

We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves.  When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.   2 Corinthians 10:12

Each one should test their own actions.  Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.  Galatians 6:4,5

Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!  So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.  Romans 7:25

To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy- to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.  Jude 1:24,25

Commenting

I'm trying to add my own comments and thanks to those that have posted...not having much luck with it though.  For some reason blogspot can't decide what my userid is and sets me off in a perpetual cycle of signing in. 
I am working on it.  But I wanted to thank those of your who have left comments.  They are greatly appreciated!  I created this blog to interact with more readers and I love hearing from you all.

Thank you!

Servitude

I am teaching at a conference where I have had the privilege of listening to a excellent speaker the last couple of days.  She brought up a great quote from Harriet Tubman, “I have freed thousands of slaves.  I would have freed thousands more…had they known they were slaves.”  What a simple and convicting thing to say.  What makes this such a great quote is how true this is of so many things.  We are mastered either by the world or by Christ; we are slaves.  We might like to think that we are the masters of our own destiny, the captain of our own ship.  The truth is we are not in control.  We will either be ruled by the culture around us or by the book that guides us.  I hope that book is the Bible. 

Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?  But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance.  You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.                           Romans 6:16-18

So, you know you are a slave to Christ…how did you figure this out?  Did you wake up one day, having never opened a Bible or heard a word about God, and decide to surrender your own will over to God?  Probably not.  You heard.  You listened.  You learned.  You grew wise.  We like to talk about the freedom in Christ, but are we willing to talk to our daughters about the servitude and surrender?  If we don’t tell them (again and again and again) they will never hear.  If we don’t educate them they will never learn.  If we do not whisper what the Bible says in their ear on a constant basis then they will never grow wise. 

It is up to us to lead by example.  We must swallow our pride and admit we are slaves.

Modesty: Shopping Smarts

This is the second part of a series on Modesty by my guest, Kim Crawford.  Enjoy ~Tamara

Take a walk with me down the aisle at your local Kohl’s store. When you look around at the clothes for women and girls, would you say that they are designed to reveal the secrets of your beauty, or conceal them? I think we would all agree that the goal in modern apparel is to be revealing! So why does this matter for you and your girls?

According to Dannah Gresh, of Pure Freedom ministries, one of the top five factors for early sexual activity is, “a girl who looks older than she actually is. There is a strong case to argue that the end result of today’s immodest fashion is sexual promiscuity.”  I don't know about you, Mom, but my heart longs to protect my girls from the lifelong pain of premarital sexual involvement.

Here are some tools to consider when you are shopping for yourself and your daughters. May these aid you in your desire to help your daughter grow in purity and modesty.

Guidelines for choosing clothes

Attractive or Attracting?

Josh Harris hit the nail on the head in his book, Not Even a Hint, when he wrote that, “there is difference between dressing attractively and dressing to attract."  Attractive clothing highlights your countenance instead of drawing attention to our body. Skimpy clothing is often thought as the antithesis of modesty. My husband would suggest that frumpy, baggy, and utterly outdated clothing that makes a woman look sloppy is also immodest. Modesty looks not to either of these extremes, but instead focuses on clothing that allows your inward beauty to shine.

Modesty Tests:

When I take my girls shopping, I have found these modesty tests to be helpful in evaluating our clothing choices. They put some fun into the process as well. (See all 8 tests at: http://purefreedom.org/media.htm)  Here are two examples:

• Raise and Praise: As you lift up your hands, if midriff shows, out it goes.

• I See London, I See France: When you bend over, is anything revealed that should stay hidden? (chest area, underwear).

Less is more
     As our culture continues down the road of blatant sensuality, modest clothing may become harder to find. Our family has come to the realization that trips to large national retail chains are usually unprofitable in our quest for modest clothing for our girls. As a result, we have modified our mindset: spending more on higher quality, but buying fewer items. Who needs an entire closet and dresser full of clothing anyway? This mindset doesn't have to break the bank either. A prime example of this would be Land’s End clothing that we purchase at Sears.


The Buck stops with Dad
     Unfortunately, most dads sit on the sidelines in regards to this area. Moms and daughters need to purposefully included dad in the decisions. See him as a coach, not an opponent. Dads will see clothing choices through the “male” perspective. Encourage him to be honest, and be willing to take back certain articles of clothing that set off a red flag in his mind. Speaking from experience, having my dad's input in my clothing choices growing up proved to be a huge blessing. His counsel helped me avoid many pitfalls that I would have unknowingly fallen into.  With these thoughts and perspectives in mind, may shopping for yourself and your daughters be an experience that you can now approach with excitement instead of trepidation.

By Kim Crawford

Looking up the answer: How are Ice Cream Sandwiches Made?

One of my girls asked me at the dinner table, "How do they make ice cream sandwiches?"  I didn't know.  But a wise mom admits she doesn't know, and then looks up the answer.  Enjoy this summer treat.

How do you make Ice Cream Sandwiches?

Modesty: What you Believe is Showing

I am on vacation this week.  Please enjoy this guest posting from a good friend of mine, Kim Crawford. ~Tamara

Just last night, I was sitting in a meeting and overheard some ladies talking about finding summer clothing for their daughters. This piqued my interests since I knew that I would be writing this article on modesty. Maybe you, like them, loathe summer shopping. The shorts keep getting shorter, the shirts smaller and tighter, and the dresses, well lets just say, some of them would fit better if they were used as skirts.

So, how do we teach our girls modesty in a world that is bent on exposure? Can modesty be attractive? The greater question underlying these questions is, “Does God really care what I wear?”  In this two part series, I hope you will walk away with a greater understanding of the heart matters related to modesty and practical ways to encourage modesty in your daughters.

Clothing expresses so much about what we believe. Just ask a teenager to wear something that is not “in style”. We all, young and old, use clothing to fit in, to belong, to be accepted. Since clothing expresses our beliefs, when we are talking about modesty, we must start there.

I Corinthians 6:19, 20 states, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”

This verse gets to the heart of modesty. Our world is sending messages every day like: “If you've got it, flaunt it”, “Be free to express yourself”, “It's my body, I'll do with it what I want”. This passage of scripture teaches us that, as Christians, our bodies belong to God. This means that we are not free to dress any way we like. Our dress should honor God. The way we dress should point to the reality of our need for a Savior. I love the way that Mary Kassian explains this in her article, What not to Wear,

“It means that your clothing tells the truth about the gospel. Your clothing shows the world that Jesus covers your shame and makes you decent. Your clothes cover your nakedness as the clothing of Christ covers your sin.” 

Does God care about what I wear? Absolutely! He desires that our clothing be an expression of the reality that we belong to Him. When we realize that we no longer have to worry about belonging or fitting in, we can be truly free to use our clothing in a way that communicates our need for Jesus. He alone can cover the shame of our sin. He alone brings forgiveness, redemption and freedom.

Join us next week when we will talk about practical modesty for both moms and daughters!

A wonderful article on teaching our daughters the discernment needed to avoid sexual predators!  I wish I knew how to "reblog" something all pretty-like, but I will have to look that skill up and learn it soon.  Here is a quote from the article:

"Nevertheless, over the past few months, I kept coming back to this one thought: we need to instill discernment in young girls so that they can more readily identify abusers and predators. This ought to be embedded in our Titus 2 discipleship, our parenting, and our youth group leadership. Now, please hear me out. I am not piling on condemnation for the girls who were involved in this particular case, nor their families. They have my sympathy. But as I read their accounts, I kept thinking about them and many other young women I know who have been tripped up by the same smooth lies. It's the trend I want to address."

http://solofemininity.blogs.com/posts/2011/06/discernment-and-sexual-predators.html

Questions to help me understand

Thank you for taking the time to help me with this writing project!  If you are under 18 years of age, please check with your folks before emailing me your response.  If you are a mom, would you consider having your daughter (or son), ages 9-25, answer a few questions for me?  You can copy and paste this text into an email.  My address is below.

1. What books have you read in the last year? (just the titles or series names are fine)
2. What was your favorite book or series that you read?  Why was it your favorite? (for example: the action, love story, characters I can relate to, realistic characters, great fantasy world, etc.)
3. Do you like to read?  What genre? (fantasy, romance, adventure…)
4. Do you belong to an online forum dedicated to your favorite book/s?
5. Do you talk about your favorite books with anyone?  Who?

I have a few questions that are specific to The Hunger Games trilogy.

1. Which character did you relate to the most? 
2. Did you enjoy the books or did you have to read it for class?
3. What did you think about the violence of the Games?
4. Who did you want Katniss to choose; Peeta or Gale?  Why?

General stuff:

I am ____male  ____female

Age: ____9-12 years ____13-15 years ____16-19 years  ____20-25 years

School you attend: ____public school ____private school ___homeschool ____graduated

Please email your responses to solomons daughters at att-dot-net (no spaces or dashes and replace with @ and .).

worldly weights

I am so grateful for the opportunity to pursue this project.  I am blessed by a God that whispers in my thoughts a new idea that I had never seen before.  I am blessed by the people who have encouraged me to write and then to actually share it with the public.  I am blessed to have a husband who encourages me to give this my time and energy.  I am blessed by children who get excited when I get excited about meeting other writers (even if it is only by email).  I am so blessed.  These people all keep me going when I get discouraged.  Parenting is hard and guilt over past mistakes (or the daily ones!) can cripple you into wanting to give up.  When you add a passion, hobby, or work to the mix life can get daunting fast.  It is the community around us that can sustain us or drag us down.  I am so very blessed in the people that I have around me.  What sustains you?  What keeps you going when worldly weights pull at your joy?

Hope for the future

I will be at my brother-in-law's wedding this weekend (and busy writing in the car).  So I am leaving you with this scripture snack for our Friday post.  *bonus points if you remember Montell Jorden*

Right here, Right now

Someone once told me that when they died they wanted to be remembered as a woman who had a heart for God.  She wanted her children, or grandchildren, to see her Bible as an expression of her life; with all its handwritten notes, underlined passages, and scraps of papers tucked into it.  She wanted those she left behind to feel closest to her when looking through her Bible.  I thought this was wonderful.

I get so wrapped up in living a fulfilled life.  I want to live up to my potential and not squander my gifts.  I forget that my life will be measured by heaven’s definition of success, not the world’s.  A life lived for God can be lived out on a public stage; preaching, teaching, and encouraging.  A life full of Christ can easily be lived out in the quiet and behind closed doors.  No accolades are needed to measure our success.  We don’t need others to validate our self-worth in our accomplishments they can see and hear and touch.  Well, we shouldn’t need the world to validate us but so often we want it anyway.  God is patient.  We are not.  God is long-suffering.  We desire immediate gratification.  Righteousness is not immediate and is only gratifying if our focus in on heaven’s standards.  I hope that my children will look back at my life and say that I had a heart for God.

Humbly Ignorant

Do you know anyone that you would describe as humble?  What it is about them that makes you use this description?  To me, someone who is humble is fully aware of their talents or gifts, but draws no attention to them or expects any special treatment because of them.  Humility is choosing to put others before yourself because it is the right thing to do.  If someone is unaware of their talents or gifts, I do not think you can call that humility.  To be humble is to be modest about your strengths and respectfully assign more importance to others.  Humility is a choice you make.  Humility is an action verb (though perhaps quite passive). 

It is becoming harder and harder to find truly humble characters in youth fiction.  What I do see are characters who are unable to see their own strengths and as such, only use them when they are forced.  Katniss is no exception to this trend.  She is unaware of her appeal.  She realizes her strengths as a hunter but not as a leader.  Frequently, Katniss will think that someone is making fun of her instead of realizing they are complimenting her.  Haymitch is one character that seems to be aware of his strengths without flaunting them; however, he hides from the world in alcohol. 

The Bible calls us to know our strengths and the talents that God has given us.  We are to use them humbly.  Wisdom goes quite nicely with humility.  You can have a great deal of knowledge and acquire the discernment to use it wisely; but if you are not humble in how you interact with others you will soon find that wisdom is very lonely.

·         If some of the branches have been broken off, and you, though a wild olive shoot, have been grafted in among the others and now share in the nourishing sap from the olive root, do not consider yourself to be superior to those other branches. If you do, consider this: You do not support the root, but the root supports you. You will say then, “Branches were broken off so that I could be grafted in.” Granted. But they were broken off because of unbelief, and you stand by faith. Do not be arrogant, but tremble.                                     Romans 11:17-20

·         In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
 ⁶ Who, being in very nature God,
   did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
⁷ rather, he made himself nothing
   by taking the very nature of a servant,
   being made in human likeness.
⁸ And being found in appearance as a man,
   he humbled himself
   by becoming obedient to death—
      even death on a cross!                               Philippians 2:5-8

·         He was not far from the house when the centurion sent friends to say to him: “Lord, don’t trouble yourself, for I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. ⁷ That is why I did not even consider myself worthy to come to you. But say the word, and my servant will be healed. ⁸ For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”
 ⁹ When Jesus heard this, he was amazed at him, and turning to the crowd following him, he said, “I tell you, I have not found such great faith even in Israel.” ¹⁰ Then the men who had been sent returned to the house and found the servant well.                                                            Luke 7:6-10

Mae Culpa

I had a plan for what to write about today.  I really did.  But a friend came up to me this last week and joked that my blog posts were convicting enough to make her feel like she was failing; she needs to delegate chores, learn something new for herself, and make time to go out with her husband.  I have had opportunity to get to know this family over the past two years and this mom is doing a wonderful job!  Her kids are polite, very knowledgeable, and get along well with others.  This mom is hospitable and always seems to have an uncluttered home.  (Bet she is blushing a bit right now, but it is true.)  I vacillated between feeling bad that I could make such a woman feel inadequate and laughing that once I again I had “labeled” someone as one of those women who have it all together just to find out that is not how they see themselves.

Then I had the idea to post some pictures of my messy house but it was my hubby’s birthday this weekend and the house is pretty clean because we had guests.   I wouldn’t want to give you the wrong idea with pictures of my uncluttered home.  Usually my home is a mess!  I fail on a daily basis; frequently by the hour, and sometimes by the minute.  I can’t sit here and type to you all the answers on raising our daughters to be wise enough because I am still going through this struggle with you. 

My oldest daughter informed me that I needed to make more mistakes.  She mumbled through her tears that I was always right and she was too frustrated with me to listen.  I could have taken this in a most exalted of fashions.  Ha ha, you admit I am smarter than you so you remember this next time I tell you to do something you don’t want to do!  Instead my first thought (thank you, Lord) was to feel shame.  I mess up all the time.  I get it wrong.  I lose my temper.  I don’t want to get down on my knees and play imaginary games with action figures.  I hide in my computer screen instead of reading out loud to my kids.  I miss opportunities to pray. 

I felt ashamed that I was so good at explaining my sins away.  I felt bad that I was so fallen yet so revered by my most astute child.  I get away with it.  I have managed to hide many of my sins from my children.  That isn’t necessarily a good thing.  I don’t want them to think that my fallen behavior is normal or something to aspire to.  I want my daughters to forgive my mistakes but to try to rise above them in such a way that they are better mothers than I have been. 

I don’t think I am a bad mom.  I hope I get it right often enough to be a really good mom, but I am not perfect.  I don’t glow in the dark.  I can’t walk on water.  I want my daughters to see these imperfections and love me in spite of them.  I want my daughters to experience giving unconditional love. 

We all wear masks in our daily life.  The masks change depending on the people we are with, but they are there.  Our masks are the lies we tell ourselves and the assumptions we want others to make about us.  God sees through all this to the heart.  You will fail…it is unavoidable.  But we have a perfect Christ who forgives our failures.  We don’t have to walk on water because he already did it for us.  We have to trust in him and do our best to learn from our mistakes and pick ourselves up when we fail.  So that is my post for today, mistakes and all.

Fear of Getting Burned (Hunger Games 2)

But why would it seem attractive to be untouchable? 

1.      Isolation is protection from hurt feelings and disappointment.  It is harder to hurt someone if they don’t need anything from you, and even more so, if you might actually need them. 

2.      This also means never having to say you are sorry or be weak enough to have to ask for forgiveness. 

3.      Emotional distance can seems like protection from the sometimes wild mood swings produced by hormones and new thinking processes in adolescence. 

4.      It is a position of power to be untouchable; you are pursued, but not the pursuer.  Someone who is untouchable is self-reliant, “strong,” and often “the rebel.”   These are all admirable traits in America.

5.      Emotional distance is seen as a necessary part of being objective about a situation and therefore, able to see what others who are more biased can not see.  I would love to look at how our current culture portrays those who are very smart.  I think most of them would be social inept and rather cold-hearted.

When I wrote about the Twilight series, I examined what it was about the stories that filled such a God-shaped need, albeit in a very non-God-like form.  Perhaps the reason that the Hunger Games is not such a popular series with adults is that most adults have learned that being alone and distant from human relationships is not all that it is cracked up to be.  The adolescent draw to the Hunger Games series isn’t so much about meeting an unfilled need but about belief in a lie.

The NIV Bible’s only use of the word isolation (because “emotionally distant” is more likely to be found in The Message) is in Leviticus in reference to those who are sick and contagious.  The Bible states many times that we do not live alone.  For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.  Romans 14:7,8.  Even if we choose not to focus on the church body, local community, or families we do still live in relationship to God.  The relationship might be mostly one-sided on God’s part as He tries to win our hearts, but we are not isolated. 

The lie we believe is that emotional distance provides protection, perspective, and power.  This is whispered in our ears with racy song lyrics that mock love; books with strong solitary heroes; pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps attitudes; the American dream of self-reliance; and a culture that has cheapened commitment and canonized self-absorption.  When I do not feel it is safe or good to be “emotionally available” then I am more likely to increase my focus on self-reliance.  The more I rely on myself, the less I will rely on God.  Satan would love for me to decide that relationships are more trouble than they are worth and I am better off not needing anyone. 

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment.   And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’   All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40

We must fight against this cultural belief in the lie that makes being emotionally distant attractive.  How can I love (the greatest commandment!) if I work hard to disconnect my emotions and myself from relationships? 

Growing Up and In

I love that day in the spring where I look back into the woods behind my house and it is green.  The day before the woods were nothing but brown trunks and tan patches of dead leaves.  I love the sudden surprise of buds open and new leaves exploding out of the russet.  I even love the greenish-grey shadows the leaves now cast into the woods.  The surprise of new growth and life is so sudden that it grabs your attention.

I am like one of those trees in the woods behind my house.  I am a fruit tree and a vine.  I am called to be like a mustard seed.  I can try to put roots down in shallow rocky soil, but I will die off from lack of strength and nourishment.  I can simply lay on the hard ground where the wind tosses me and never grow at all.  I can let my roots sink down into fertile soil, grow, and bear fruit.  I choose to grow.

I don’t equate bon-bons with books.  It is not lazy or selfish to take time to nourish yourself and grow in wisdom and understanding.  If I become so isolated from life that my world revolves solely around my role as a parent, I will slowly draw away from my own identity…and from my God.  No growth means that I am fine, perfect, just as I am.  No savior or grace, please, I can manage this on my own.  Just give me the status quo.  I need to read, write, exercise, learn something new, and interact to see life and to see myself.  What is the wisdom in taking time to better myself?  Should I focus on my imperfections and constantly strive to be more, know more, get more?  No, of course not.  But there is wisdom in a steady diet of carefully tending, cultivating, my own identity and spirit. 

Examples:

• If I know who I am, as an individual child of God, and know my gifts then I can better serve.  I will have healthier relationships with the people around me because I am rooted in Christ (not my children, who are fallible…really fallible). 
• My children will learn by watching me that you can teach an old dog new tricks.  I will demonstrate learning and growing throughout all walks in life. 
• It is hard to have patience and extend grace to others when I am not good about these things with myself.  When I take the time to learn something new, especially something hard for me, then I grow in patience.  That patience can be extended to others in my life.
• Exercising your brain has been shown to reduce the risks of mental issues when you are older, such as dementia and Alzheimer’s.  Want to play checkers with your grandkids?  Exercise your brain now.

So what do you do to grow and enrich your own life?  While I highly suggest reading the Bible and praying; those probably won’t teach you how to knit or how to work “in the cloud.”  Me?  I write this blog. J  You really wouldn’t believe the amount of reading, researching, and re-writing that goes into this project.  I know my grammar may not always show it, but this is definitely a brain-enhancing project.

Scripture Snack- Proverbs 31

Snack on some scripture

I am teaching at a conference today so I will have to get my post about the Hunger Games out tomorrow.  I hope you enjoy this link to Bekah Shae's scripture snack.  I really enjoy these clips and she has a bunch of them.  This one is about Proverbs 31.

To delegate or not…that is the question.

A mom’s life is so busy that we can be tempted to give more time and energy to our short-term goals, like a clean(ish) home, than to the bigger long term goals.  It is easier to do certain chores around the house myself.  I can get the job done better and faster than my children.  This frees me up for the next emergent situation or task on my list.  But I need to think it through from a long term perspective.  Imagine with me…

            Your daughter has grown into a wonderful young lady and has found the man of her dreams to marry.  There is a beautiful and very touching ceremony but it isn’t long after the honeymoon that your daughter starts calling you in tears.  Her new husband (whom you found bright and charming) doesn’t have a clue how to do his own laundry.  He looks at her like she is speaking a foreign language when she asks him to clean up the bathroom.  He doesn’t know where to start.  In fact, he kinda grumbles about any household chores.  Your daughter sobs that she feels more like his mother than his wife. 

Now in your imagination, reverse that situation.  Your future son-in-law is calling his mom up to complain about your darling daughter regarding the exact same things. 

It might be harder and more time consuming to show your daughters how to go about doing chores around the house, but in the long run they (and you) will be better off for it.  I can not imagine if I had to keep up this house, school three children, take care of shopping, cooking, writing this blog, etc. all on my own.  The American myth of Supermom who can be all things to all people is a crippling lie. 

This same short-term thinking can effect how we discipline our daughters.  Are we so caught up in stopping the immediate actions of our daughters that we discipline their behavior instead of trying to reach their hearts?  Do we ignore an annoying or rude behavior until we get so frustrated we react in anger?  There are some great books out on trying to reach a child’s heart (which will in turn change their behavior on a much more consistent basis). 

If you aren’t sure where to start or what chores it would be reasonable to expect of them, I highly recommend 401 Ways to Get Your Kids to Work at Home: Household tested and proven effective! Techniques, tips, tricks, and strategies on how to get your kids to share ... become self-reliant, responsible adults by Bonnie McCullough.  She goes through what chores you could introduce based on age and ability.  She also gives different tips, motivational methods, and systems to help with problem areas you might have in your home.

We need to realize when our focus on accomplishing the short-term goals can rob our daughters of learning accountability.  Our daughters will one day be accountable to a boss, husband, church family, and more importantly, God.  It is our jobs as mothers to take that extra time to discipline their hearts or show them again and again (and again) how to do chores around the house.  We are teaching them responsibility when we do this.  You can be very knowledgeable about many things, but if you do not have responsibility then your ability to discern how and when to use that knowledge will be severely hindered. 

My [daughter], do not despise the LORD’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a [mother] the [daughter she] delights in.  Proverbs 3:11,12

In regard to a wicked man: He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.  Proverbs 5:23

Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise!  It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest.    Proverbs 6:6-8

Playing with Fire

You can’t touch fire.  In fact, fire has the nasty habit of destroying anything too close to it.  The heroine of The Hunger Games series is Katniss, “The Girl On Fire”.  One comment I have frequently heard when comparing this series with the Twilight books is the strength of the lead character Katniss compared to the clingy, boy-focused Bella.  Katniss isn’t just stronger physically; her greatest asset seems to be her tough emotional shell.  Just like every other fictional heroine, Katniss’s life prepared her to face the challenges in this story.  So what is it about her life that has isolated Katniss into a young girl with commitment issues?

In the world of this story life is hard.  You have to scrounge for food to keep from starving.  Katniss’s father (who died in a mining accident before the story even begins) was a great hunter and he apparently lived long enough to pass a great deal of this on to Katniss.  Katniss loved her father.  They understood each other and were quite close.  Katniss is not particularly close to her mother (who is never named), and when her father dies the nameless mother slips into a depression so deep that Katniss must become her father and provide for the family.  The only emotional connections left to young Katniss are those between her and her sister, Prim, and to her hunting partner, the handsome Gale.  Katniss must be strong, not only because she has no one looking out for her, but because she is responsible for the lives of her mother and little sister. 

Katniss has a difficult time understanding why the adults in her world silence her complaints and observations about life under the rule of the Capital.  She appears to mistake the adult’s lack of hope (their silence) as blindness.  Her character is presented as being lonely in her discernment of the Capital and its oppression.  She can relax and speak her mind with her friend Gale, but she is also becoming aware of his attraction to her, a thing she is not exactly happy about.  Katniss does not express this sentiment until later in the story, but she seems to not want to fall in love because love leads to marriage…and children.  Katniss does not want to watch her own children go through the reaping or the Hunger Games.  Again, this isn’t explained until much later in the books; however, in the beginning Katniss is clear that she does not want or need a romantic relationship. 

Katniss does have an emotional weak spot; she is a sucker for someone who needs her protection.  The only characters Katniss forms any attachments to are all ones that rely on her to protect them like Prim and Rue.  It isn’t until Peeta actually needs Katniss’s help in the Games (up until then he had been protecting her) that Katniss’s character shows some stirrings of feelings for him.  She fights these feelings and is, of course, clueless as to what they mean to her.  In the last book Katniss overhears Gale’s brilliant observation to Peeta that Katniss will ultimately choose whichever of them needs her protection most.  She might be a hunter and ultimately capable of cold-blooded murder, but she loves to rescue the strays and runts of humanity. 

Katniss is untouchable.  She thinks she doesn’t need help from others so it takes her a while to notice when someone is helping her.  She is also bitter and broken by the end of the books.  She has won a battle she never wanted to fight for people she didn’t know or care about.  Everyone she did care for is either dead, far away, or as broken as her.  The author ends the books with the idea that the world will be better for Katniss’s unwilling sacrifices.

Next Friday: Why is being untouchable so attractive to our daughters?

Hope this posts...

Blogger is (was?) having some issues today.  I'll get my post up soon.  Sorry.