Update

For those of you who don’t know, I am in the process of writing a book with the same title and topic of this blog.  In fact, the blog came about because of the book.  I was able to get away to a writing retreat this week at The Convent.  It has been such a great week!  I got 21 pages done which covers roughly the first four chapters.  I realize those are some short chapters but it was good just to get that bare bones down on paper, now I get to start fleshing it out.  Because I am so excited it is hard not to start posting excerpts from what I have to the blog.  But I have been reading all over the place that this is not a smart thing to do, so I’ll have to stick to bribing friends to read it over for me. J

I’ve been learning a lot about platforms, blogging, and publishing lately.  If you are a writer mom like me, here are some of my favorite agent/writer blogs:

Rachel Gardner: http://www.rachellegardner.com/

Radical Womanhood: http://solofemininity.blogs.com/

Witty Words: http://christimcguire.wordpress.com/

If you are interested in social media and all the various uses and/or programs, even if you aren’t a writer, you will probably like these blogs.

Michael Hyatt: http://michaelhyatt.com/

La Vie en Prose: http://merbarnes.blogspot.com/

I am heading home today so this post is short.  I do want to make a shameless plea for you to become either a follower in the column on the right à or to sign up for email alerts when I post something new ß over here on the left.  I really appreciate you taking the time to read here and to comment.  Thank you!

worldly weights

I am so grateful for the opportunity to pursue this project.  I am blessed by a God that whispers in my thoughts a new idea that I had never seen before.  I am blessed by the people who have encouraged me to write and then to actually share it with the public.  I am blessed to have a husband who encourages me to give this my time and energy.  I am blessed by children who get excited when I get excited about meeting other writers (even if it is only by email).  I am so blessed.  These people all keep me going when I get discouraged.  Parenting is hard and guilt over past mistakes (or the daily ones!) can cripple you into wanting to give up.  When you add a passion, hobby, or work to the mix life can get daunting fast.  It is the community around us that can sustain us or drag us down.  I am so very blessed in the people that I have around me.  What sustains you?  What keeps you going when worldly weights pull at your joy?

Right here, Right now

Someone once told me that when they died they wanted to be remembered as a woman who had a heart for God.  She wanted her children, or grandchildren, to see her Bible as an expression of her life; with all its handwritten notes, underlined passages, and scraps of papers tucked into it.  She wanted those she left behind to feel closest to her when looking through her Bible.  I thought this was wonderful.

I get so wrapped up in living a fulfilled life.  I want to live up to my potential and not squander my gifts.  I forget that my life will be measured by heaven’s definition of success, not the world’s.  A life lived for God can be lived out on a public stage; preaching, teaching, and encouraging.  A life full of Christ can easily be lived out in the quiet and behind closed doors.  No accolades are needed to measure our success.  We don’t need others to validate our self-worth in our accomplishments they can see and hear and touch.  Well, we shouldn’t need the world to validate us but so often we want it anyway.  God is patient.  We are not.  God is long-suffering.  We desire immediate gratification.  Righteousness is not immediate and is only gratifying if our focus in on heaven’s standards.  I hope that my children will look back at my life and say that I had a heart for God.

What Guys Think About Modesty - (Modesty Part II)

This video is a bit of a cheat on posting this week. Our family still has this flu bug. I thought it best not to subject you to my fever-induced writing. Enjoy the rest of your week and I will be back next week.

Who Owns My Heart?

So why are adolescent girls so likely to quickly form deep emotional relationships that border on (if they don’t just plain cross over into) enmeshment?  I’m not a psychologist but I have a theory.  What are the first relationships that our daughters form?  They bond with their parents and if they have siblings, they also form a bond with their brothers and/or sisters.  My theory is that our daughters will pattern non-family relationships on what they have observed in their previous relationships, with their family members.  Girls tend to be interested in personal relationships, though each girl’s personality will make a difference.  Some daughters will be naturally shy, but when they do form connections they seem to follow this same jump into family-style relationships.

These bonds with immediate family are extremely transparent; we know what their worst moods look like, and we encourage them to share almost every thought or feeling with us.  I have talked to many moms who have experienced post-bed-time confessions where their young child comes down to confess something they did or didn’t do.  The guilt of hiding something from us drives them to climb out of bed and lay bare their soul to us before they can find the peace to sleep.  Oh, that we would treat our heavenly Father with such love and awe. 

Our daughters’ first relational bonds are also…time consuming.  We live together.  We eat together.  We sleep in the same house and often siblings share a room.  A school-age girl spends a great deal of her day with the same classmates.  Again, we see a pattern of spending the better part of a day with the people we have the closest relationships with.  I remember a time long, long ago when my middle child thought that when I used the pronoun “I” (as in, “I will go the store.”) it included her.  It was interesting to see the shift in her very young speech as she became her own person separate from mom.  Our daughters also observe that mom and dad (their introduction to male-female relationships) live together and spend a lot of time together.  Admittedly, in today’s culture busy evening activities or divorce might have lessened this to some extent.  It is only natural that when our daughters begin to forge relationships with boys they pattern after what they have observed.  I wish that I could say I spent as much time with God as I do with my husband and children.

Lastly, our daughters’ first relationships with family are centered on deep emotional bonds.  I would be willing to bet that most days our daughters will be better behaved with their friends’ moms then they will be with us.  Our daughters may not recognize it, but they feel safer making mistakes around us.  The safety of our love is their first taste of grace.  Sometimes our young daughters will question our love for them when we are angry at them.  Our reassurance of unconditional love creates that deep connection that sustains our daughters’ innate desire for relationship.  This parent/daughter bond is powerful even in cases where there is abuse or a distant parent involved.  Just ask any woman who did not have a good relationship with one or both of her parents how that has effected her current relationships.  Our daughters will be quick to shape their new relationships with girl or boy friends after this same model of deep love and trust.  Imagine if we could trust in God’s love for us as much as our daughters trust in our love for them.

None of my children have been very shy and that has certainly put us in some interesting situations.  I have heard my young daughters exclaim they had a new best friend after one hour of play at the park.  They are older now, but not really any less quick to give their hearts away to a new friend, boy or girl.  Have you ever had a discussion with your daughter about why they didn’t need to share [insert private family matter here] with the grocery store clerk?  These conversations start at a pretty young age, but they need to continue as our daughters are older.  We generally don’t sit around with our daughters and their peers at school or while they are just hanging out with a pal, so we might not hear how much they are sharing.  It pays to discuss with our daughters the difference between family relationships and friends, just like you would speak to them about not talking to strangers; especially in this age of technology when texting and IM’ing make new friends just a click away.

The lips of the wise spread knowledge; not so the hearts of fools.    Proverbs 15:7

A wise man’s heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction.    Proverbs 16:23

He who fears the LORD, has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.    Proverbs 14:26