Dagny O'Hara

At first glance you might not see many similarities between the girly, man-obsessed Scarlett O’Hara, from Gone with the Wind, and the no-nonsense business woman Dagny Taggart of Atlas Shrugged.  Both books are incredibly long by modern day standards.  Despite the length of each book I think it would make an excellent study to compare the two. 

Today I wanted to put forward similarities between these two strong female leads.  There are some similarities that differ in the details; for example, both women love married men but both do not have affairs with them.  Dagny has a physical relationship with Henry Rearden.  Scarlett loves and pines after Ashley Wilkes.  The circumstances of each woman’s relationship with a married man are different but the consequent themes of love and marriage within each book become quite analogous.  That two characters can be so alike and yet so opposing is a testament to the core values that each book puts forward.

           

Both are:

• Confident in their gifts/abilities.
• Not afraid to do what it takes to get the job done.
• Not typically beautiful but stunning anyway. 
• High interest in making money.
• Neither one is able to understand the men around her who can actually see reality and who truly understand her (Dagny-John Galt/Francisco d’Anconia, Scarlett-Rhett Butler).
• Neither understands or agrees with the ruling class’s philosophy.
• Are rebels.
• Are seen as doing a man’s work (and doing it too well for a woman).
• Don’t stay where society tries to make them stay.
• Don’t find true love until the end of the story.
• Are vocal about their views of the world.
• Reject God and rely on self.
• Are able to shrug off society’s disapproval (self-confidence).
• More interested in work then children (reject the traditional female role).
• Feel a connection to a certain part of land.
• Measures success by productivity.
• Has a funny name by today’s standards. J
• Misunderstood by their sibling/s even though they are taking care of them.
• Neither feels a need to hide their distaste with pretty speech, they say what they mean or don’t speak at all.
• Have “impure” relations with married men who turn out not to be their true love.
• Both their True Loves are just as outspoken and “anti-society” as they are.

Next week:  The themes of love and romance in both books.  Yes, there is romance in Atlas Shrugged.

Twitter Grace

Have you become so use to certain words that they have lost their meaning?  I have noticed that I have a real aversion to using some decidedly churchy type words simply because they just don’t seem to carry any weight anymore.  I have become so desensitized to words like salvation, saved, born again, grace, Christians, sin, moral, and many others.  These poor words get thrown around left and right to the point where it gets hard to remember to take them seriously.  I can see why translations like The Message have found a niche in modern times as we struggle to reconnect with ideas that have become lost in a sea of misuse or over-use.  Christians can certainly talk the talk without walking the walk.

How do your daughters define these words?  How do we help them connect to the ideas that these important words represent?

Could you text salvation?

“God luvs u.  OMG[oodness] sinned again.  BTW He paid price 4 u 2 b rite w/Him.”

How do you twitter grace?

“So didn’t deserve it, but Big Guy came through 4 me again.Can’t believe He doesn’t hold it over my head when I sin big.So grateful 4 His luv.”

I am all for reaching out to our daughters in a language they can readily access and understand, but I hope we are still getting the message across.  I had an interesting battle of words with one of my girls yesterday.  I said she was worth the time and effort on my part to get things right; I won more of our “fights” because I worked hard to do right by her.  What she heard was me saying how great I was…hmm, nope, not what I meant.  So I asked her to look at it another way.  She is a treasure of gold to me and I don’t want to tarnish her or bend her into a shape that is not what God intended to be best for her.  She is worth so much that she deserves the best I have to offer.  I had to break her out of her pattern of thinking in order for her to hear what I truly said.

Sometimes I spell out a simple word and think that it couldn’t possibly be correct, but it is (usually).  It is the everyday stuff that we really should know and see that can become blurry and out of focus without us even realizing it.  It pays off big to check in with our daughters on what they understand about all the church-speak that gets thrown around in Sunday school or during the sermon.  Do they really get it?  I’ll be asking my kids this weekend what they think some of these words mean.  I would love to hear what faith-based words you think have lost their meanings.  Do your daughters have the same understanding of these words that you do?  Let me know in the comments section!

Sophia Wisdom

God the Father, Jesus the Bridegroom, and Holy Spirit the… role model for mothers? 

The Holy Spirit is described in the Bible as an Advocate, comforter in suffering, encourager, witness, teacher, and God’s gift to believers.  The Holy Spirit is closely associated with words, both written and spoken.  The Holy Spirit is among us and in us.  We are a temple filled with the Holy Spirit if we obey God.  You can speak against many things, but it is not forgiven if you speak against the Holy Spirit (Luke 12:10, Matt. 12:32, Mark 3:29, Acts 5:3).  Though the Holy Spirit is often used when talking about baptism, it would seem that it is also present when people hear the gospel and believe (Acts 10:44, 11:15) or when men of faith pray over believers (Acts 8: 15-17, 8:19, 19:6). 

How does any of that equate to being a role model for moms?  Sure we could go the way of the High School English paper and say something poetic about birth and water being feminine attributes.  I would like to shy away from that though because as cool as that might sound it really doesn’t help us in our daily struggle to parent. 

God has the sometimes annoying habit of being perfect.  He doesn’t say anything He doesn’t mean and He doesn’t mince words.  God gives us a clear picture of Himself as triune.  He is the Father and the bridge-groom, that much is not really up for debate.  But what to do with the Holy Spirit?  The Holy Spirit has several very feminine qualities.  “She” likes to: talk, listen, comfort, fill us with love, and bring hope.  The Holy Spirit is a nurturer who excels in interpreting the prayers we can only groan b/c we can’t find the words ourselves.  Every time the Bible says the Spirit testifies I have this image of a strong southern woman belting out, “Preach it honey, cause you know I saw it,” with her hand raised up in the air. 

There are a number of lessons we can learn from this Advocate.  I want to look at one of those today.  The Holy Spirit comes as a gift from God.  Those who are “filled with the spirit” are directly plugged in (as much as a human can be) to the Truth and Love of God.  Those are some mighty big shoes to fill.  As mothers we are the nurturers; relationships are important to us.  Connections matter and we cultivate them.  We want our daughters to get along with their siblings, their father, and especially with us.  We also need to nurture our daughters’ relationships with God, her Father in Heaven, and Jesus, her future groom.  Do we fill our daughters with a sense of dread in their obligations to religious rules and doctrine?  Or do we help “the God of hope fill [our daughters] with all joy and peace as [they] trust in him, so that [they] may overflow with hope by the power of the [our example and teaching].”

At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do.      Luke 10:21

And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.      Romans 5:5

worldly weights

I am so grateful for the opportunity to pursue this project.  I am blessed by a God that whispers in my thoughts a new idea that I had never seen before.  I am blessed by the people who have encouraged me to write and then to actually share it with the public.  I am blessed to have a husband who encourages me to give this my time and energy.  I am blessed by children who get excited when I get excited about meeting other writers (even if it is only by email).  I am so blessed.  These people all keep me going when I get discouraged.  Parenting is hard and guilt over past mistakes (or the daily ones!) can cripple you into wanting to give up.  When you add a passion, hobby, or work to the mix life can get daunting fast.  It is the community around us that can sustain us or drag us down.  I am so very blessed in the people that I have around me.  What sustains you?  What keeps you going when worldly weights pull at your joy?

Mae Culpa

I had a plan for what to write about today.  I really did.  But a friend came up to me this last week and joked that my blog posts were convicting enough to make her feel like she was failing; she needs to delegate chores, learn something new for herself, and make time to go out with her husband.  I have had opportunity to get to know this family over the past two years and this mom is doing a wonderful job!  Her kids are polite, very knowledgeable, and get along well with others.  This mom is hospitable and always seems to have an uncluttered home.  (Bet she is blushing a bit right now, but it is true.)  I vacillated between feeling bad that I could make such a woman feel inadequate and laughing that once I again I had “labeled” someone as one of those women who have it all together just to find out that is not how they see themselves.

Then I had the idea to post some pictures of my messy house but it was my hubby’s birthday this weekend and the house is pretty clean because we had guests.   I wouldn’t want to give you the wrong idea with pictures of my uncluttered home.  Usually my home is a mess!  I fail on a daily basis; frequently by the hour, and sometimes by the minute.  I can’t sit here and type to you all the answers on raising our daughters to be wise enough because I am still going through this struggle with you. 

My oldest daughter informed me that I needed to make more mistakes.  She mumbled through her tears that I was always right and she was too frustrated with me to listen.  I could have taken this in a most exalted of fashions.  Ha ha, you admit I am smarter than you so you remember this next time I tell you to do something you don’t want to do!  Instead my first thought (thank you, Lord) was to feel shame.  I mess up all the time.  I get it wrong.  I lose my temper.  I don’t want to get down on my knees and play imaginary games with action figures.  I hide in my computer screen instead of reading out loud to my kids.  I miss opportunities to pray. 

I felt ashamed that I was so good at explaining my sins away.  I felt bad that I was so fallen yet so revered by my most astute child.  I get away with it.  I have managed to hide many of my sins from my children.  That isn’t necessarily a good thing.  I don’t want them to think that my fallen behavior is normal or something to aspire to.  I want my daughters to forgive my mistakes but to try to rise above them in such a way that they are better mothers than I have been. 

I don’t think I am a bad mom.  I hope I get it right often enough to be a really good mom, but I am not perfect.  I don’t glow in the dark.  I can’t walk on water.  I want my daughters to see these imperfections and love me in spite of them.  I want my daughters to experience giving unconditional love. 

We all wear masks in our daily life.  The masks change depending on the people we are with, but they are there.  Our masks are the lies we tell ourselves and the assumptions we want others to make about us.  God sees through all this to the heart.  You will fail…it is unavoidable.  But we have a perfect Christ who forgives our failures.  We don’t have to walk on water because he already did it for us.  We have to trust in him and do our best to learn from our mistakes and pick ourselves up when we fail.  So that is my post for today, mistakes and all.

Fear of Getting Burned (Hunger Games 2)

But why would it seem attractive to be untouchable? 

1.      Isolation is protection from hurt feelings and disappointment.  It is harder to hurt someone if they don’t need anything from you, and even more so, if you might actually need them. 

2.      This also means never having to say you are sorry or be weak enough to have to ask for forgiveness. 

3.      Emotional distance can seems like protection from the sometimes wild mood swings produced by hormones and new thinking processes in adolescence. 

4.      It is a position of power to be untouchable; you are pursued, but not the pursuer.  Someone who is untouchable is self-reliant, “strong,” and often “the rebel.”   These are all admirable traits in America.

5.      Emotional distance is seen as a necessary part of being objective about a situation and therefore, able to see what others who are more biased can not see.  I would love to look at how our current culture portrays those who are very smart.  I think most of them would be social inept and rather cold-hearted.

When I wrote about the Twilight series, I examined what it was about the stories that filled such a God-shaped need, albeit in a very non-God-like form.  Perhaps the reason that the Hunger Games is not such a popular series with adults is that most adults have learned that being alone and distant from human relationships is not all that it is cracked up to be.  The adolescent draw to the Hunger Games series isn’t so much about meeting an unfilled need but about belief in a lie.

The NIV Bible’s only use of the word isolation (because “emotionally distant” is more likely to be found in The Message) is in Leviticus in reference to those who are sick and contagious.  The Bible states many times that we do not live alone.  For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.  Romans 14:7,8.  Even if we choose not to focus on the church body, local community, or families we do still live in relationship to God.  The relationship might be mostly one-sided on God’s part as He tries to win our hearts, but we are not isolated. 

The lie we believe is that emotional distance provides protection, perspective, and power.  This is whispered in our ears with racy song lyrics that mock love; books with strong solitary heroes; pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps attitudes; the American dream of self-reliance; and a culture that has cheapened commitment and canonized self-absorption.  When I do not feel it is safe or good to be “emotionally available” then I am more likely to increase my focus on self-reliance.  The more I rely on myself, the less I will rely on God.  Satan would love for me to decide that relationships are more trouble than they are worth and I am better off not needing anyone. 

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment.   And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’   All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40

We must fight against this cultural belief in the lie that makes being emotionally distant attractive.  How can I love (the greatest commandment!) if I work hard to disconnect my emotions and myself from relationships? 

Growing Up and In

I love that day in the spring where I look back into the woods behind my house and it is green.  The day before the woods were nothing but brown trunks and tan patches of dead leaves.  I love the sudden surprise of buds open and new leaves exploding out of the russet.  I even love the greenish-grey shadows the leaves now cast into the woods.  The surprise of new growth and life is so sudden that it grabs your attention.

I am like one of those trees in the woods behind my house.  I am a fruit tree and a vine.  I am called to be like a mustard seed.  I can try to put roots down in shallow rocky soil, but I will die off from lack of strength and nourishment.  I can simply lay on the hard ground where the wind tosses me and never grow at all.  I can let my roots sink down into fertile soil, grow, and bear fruit.  I choose to grow.

I don’t equate bon-bons with books.  It is not lazy or selfish to take time to nourish yourself and grow in wisdom and understanding.  If I become so isolated from life that my world revolves solely around my role as a parent, I will slowly draw away from my own identity…and from my God.  No growth means that I am fine, perfect, just as I am.  No savior or grace, please, I can manage this on my own.  Just give me the status quo.  I need to read, write, exercise, learn something new, and interact to see life and to see myself.  What is the wisdom in taking time to better myself?  Should I focus on my imperfections and constantly strive to be more, know more, get more?  No, of course not.  But there is wisdom in a steady diet of carefully tending, cultivating, my own identity and spirit. 

Examples:

• If I know who I am, as an individual child of God, and know my gifts then I can better serve.  I will have healthier relationships with the people around me because I am rooted in Christ (not my children, who are fallible…really fallible). 
• My children will learn by watching me that you can teach an old dog new tricks.  I will demonstrate learning and growing throughout all walks in life. 
• It is hard to have patience and extend grace to others when I am not good about these things with myself.  When I take the time to learn something new, especially something hard for me, then I grow in patience.  That patience can be extended to others in my life.
• Exercising your brain has been shown to reduce the risks of mental issues when you are older, such as dementia and Alzheimer’s.  Want to play checkers with your grandkids?  Exercise your brain now.

So what do you do to grow and enrich your own life?  While I highly suggest reading the Bible and praying; those probably won’t teach you how to knit or how to work “in the cloud.”  Me?  I write this blog. J  You really wouldn’t believe the amount of reading, researching, and re-writing that goes into this project.  I know my grammar may not always show it, but this is definitely a brain-enhancing project.